Just found another article I think may be a big help to some of you. Enjoy.

Smart parenting: Smart way to handle tantrums
2010/03/13

ZAID MOHAMAD

IN some aspects, parenting is not very different from managing a business.
At work, we negotiate with the suppliers, customers or even our boss.

And at home, we negotiate with our children.

Let’s take a peek at what goes on inside smart parents’ “boardroom” to see how they successfully negotiate with their offspring and winning the tantrum war. Little children are the best negotiators in the world! They tend to use one tactic that adults rarely use - crying.

Sometimes they would scream and throw tantrums as well. For better effect, the crying is usually dramatised by jumping, rolling on the floor or banging their heads on the wall.

These tactics work best in public and most times, the children will get what they want.

Sounds familiar? Have you seen the drama before? Or worse, were you in one before? However, not all negotiations are horrible and dramatic.

There will be times when your children will catch you off guard by using a more “pleasant” tactic such as making cute faces while tilting the head to one side, followed by the rapid blinking of the eyes. Whatever the tactic is, there surely will be something they want to warrant such behaviour.

It could be a toy, an ice-cream, wanting to go somewhere, or wanting to get something. As adults, what do you do if you want something? You ask first, and if that does not work, you negotiate.

This is the same for children, except that their negotiation tactics can be rather dramatic. So, what can we do? First, we should avoid potential drama, if possible. Use parental instincts to anticipate the tantrum triggers. For example, if you are in the mall and your children have a weak spot for candy, avoid candy stores. Second, use distraction.

Offer to see or do something else that may be better. If the situation is negotiable, you can make a deal with your children.

For instance, you can say, “If I buy you this toy, you must promise to pick it up and keep your room neat.” But if the situation is non-negotiable, then you must make your stand clear. Explain the reason behind your decision and be prepared to use your veto power if needed. Third, be consistent with your approach.

These little negotiators will understand that their Mummy and Daddy are fair but firm in dealing with their tactics. Smart parents know that by giving in once, the little ones will realise that their tactics work and will resort to such tantrums at the next opportune moment.

Basically, parents need to nip this in the bud so that their children will not grow up spoiled. They should respond only to genuine cries such as hunger, pain or discomfort. Are you able to recognise the tactics and successfully negotiate yourself out of the “boardroom of horrors”? Well, all the best! • Zaid Mohamad is a parenting coach and the author of Smart Parents, Brighter Kids.

Are your children gifted and talented? I just came across this great two part article about talented but lazy children that I would like to share with you today.

In this issue, we will discuss special children. No, I’m not talking about musical geniuses, though there is a category of students who are called “child prodigies,” and only the most advanced teachers should be involved in their training.

Instead, I am referring to those children who are quick to learn everything that comes their way, including their music lessons, but are far from being “child prodigies.”

Look around – there are plenty of them among us. Such capable children do not need to spend long hours studying in order to do the homework. All they have to do is focus on the topic for a short period of time, and the result is obvious!

Many of us can only dream of having such abilities for ourselves or our children. And there are many envious people among such a child’s schoolmates and even his parents’ social circle who will be jealous of his talents.

It’s up to you whether to believe me or not, but there comes a time when these quick-witted children start to suffer from poor results not only in musical school, but also in their regular academic studies.

Have you ever heard or used the phrase “talented but lazy” while characterizing your child?

Let’s try to determine just how lazy our talented, gifted children really are.

Having noticed the child’s talent for music, doting parents will aspire to find the best music teacher as soon as possible. And they are doing the right thing! The professional will help the child’s talent rise and bloom.

Next, the music lessons begin. The child is delighted to hear and learn new things. After the lesson he can’t keep his mouth shut – he has so much to tell! During a lesson, such a child easily absorbs new knowledge, just like a sponge. As soon as he touches the keys, his hands and fingers acquire the right form. He finds and names the notes in the textbook and on the keyboard with ease. Listen how adroitly he uses those foreign musical terms!

After literally two months the child can be called a small expert. He wins the affections of his teacher, his parents, and everyone around due to his talent. Mother and father have a whole bunch of tremendous stories about their child’s great memory, attention and newly acquired skills. Indeed, they have a point: imagine that the beginner musician is given the task of dividing a new piece of music into bars and phrases, and while he was doing it, he learned it by heart!

Saving time for memorizing, the talented child is capable of considerably expanding his curriculum repertoire; the child is ready to leap forward, far ahead of children with more modest musical abilities.

Soon you start hearing other parents say, “You have such a talented child! Anything you ask, he knows. I can tell that you spend a lot of time helping him study.”

It is certainly very flattering to hear something like this, although you, like all parents, have many duties around the house and the right to rest and spend time alone or with your spouse. Besides, you didn’t quit your regular job or a few part-time ones. As a matter of fact, you, as well as the music teacher, don’t seem to make great efforts in the child’s additional training – after all, he is so capable! Why interfere with his natural development? On the contrary, you practically do not put any effort into the studying process – your child runs to the instrument and shows you what he has already learned. Very frequently, you either have no idea how to play a musical instrument or have forgotten how to do it: a lot of time has passed since then

Part 2:

Let’s just admit it: there’s no parent who would refuse to have a child with remarkable, seemingly inborn musical abilities.

So, the child is praised. You, the parents, of course, stand by in admiration; the teacher is proud; and all the people who know you and your talented child are awed and amazed. And rightly so! Your child is creating very pleasant and unforgettable sensations… they fill you up from your head to your toes.

But some time goes by and the music teacher says that your child, depending on his age, should train at home for no less than an hour or an hour and a half each day. You quietly nod, taking the teacher’s request into consideration, and continue to go about your day as usual, occasionally asking your child how many minutes (hours) he spends playing the instrument. You agree with the teacher that the curriculum has become more and more complex and will require additional time for your child to learn. And again you are sure that your child will be able to do this because he is so talented.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Let’s go further. After a while, the music teacher says that today the student came to the lesson absolutely not prepared and strongly urges you to track his progress and studying at home. You are at loss; it’s not possible! How could this happen? Yet on this very day as well as the following one, having put aside all other matters, you, as parents, demand the continuous sound of the instrument during a specific time. And during such time, you are listening very attentively to every single sound. You often notice that he plays unevenly, so you ask him to repeat the piece or a part of it again and again.

After the next lesson you wait for the teacher’s comments like a man on trial waits for a verdict. The teacher appears to be happy, starts to praise you and says that the improvements are significant and that he can see “You worked with him,” and your child “can,” but “does not want to” and advises you to extirpate the child’s laziness. You agree with the teacher just like before. He must know what he is talking about! And the child, having picked up the teacher’s idea, repeats to everyone: “I can! I am just too lazy!”

Next, you notice that recently your child has become preoccupied with other interests, so you begin to struggle against his laziness. Besides your requests for him to play the instrument, you give vast lectures on having to study even though he might not feel like it. You use yourself as an example and say that you go for work against your desire, and eventually you say that the child simply must study and he will thank you for it in the future…

One thing about “lectures”: they vary, and I don’t need to list them: you know them better than I do. I can, however, tell you a secret – your “lectures” are absolutely useless to your child. They are not convincing. Threats will not work, either.

Unfortunately, very few parents care what is actually happening with their child during these moments. But after you solve this problem, he will – just like he did in the beginning – run over to the instrument.

So what happened? Your child indeed became a bit lazy. He lost his interest in the lessons. And each of us knows that laziness does not appear out of the blue; there must be serious reasons for it.

Some interesting stories on this subject are in my book, "Voices of our Children", where I look not only at the reasons for laziness, but also the ways of dealing with such difficult situations.

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Tatiana Bandurina - an educator, an inventor and
award-winning author of "Voices of Our Children". She
invites you to visit the website http://www.quintecco.com
and know more about Music Education for Parents.